O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
