It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
