When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
