Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
