I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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