Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
