Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
