So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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