WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
