I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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