Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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