If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
