Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
