You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
