Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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