I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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