I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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