We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
