babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
