I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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