Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
