he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
