well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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