oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
