that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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