I cannot find my penis.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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