he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
