We got so high we made milksteak
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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