none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You made out with two different species that night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
