Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
