He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
