There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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