yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
