Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
