So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
