U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
