just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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