I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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