I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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