oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
