She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize