you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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