Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
