just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
