i would punch a child for taco bell
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
