just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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