grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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