so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
