there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
