You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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