Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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