Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
