I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
