im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
