If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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