apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
