My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
