As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
