He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
