we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize