I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
