your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
