i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
