Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
