guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
