suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
