Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
