i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i dont even know how to be here
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
