College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize