So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to calm my uterus...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
