You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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