I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
